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I rock, even when I feel I’m under said rock 🙄😐

September 18, 2018

 

 

My cousin created this and posted it on her FB week before last. After, I watched Black Girls Rock, and finished watching it feeling like I’m not doing enough. It motivated me to want to do more, be more, reach higher. But I also caught myself before diving off the deep end—while I haven’t done everything I want to do, nor done things on the scale that the ladies who were honored have, or the ones on my ig feed, I’ve done many things. I’m still a black girl who rocks, not to say anyone has ever told me that I’m not, but it’s important for me to remind MYSELF!

Social media has a funny way of leading you to compare yourself to others. I follow a lot of accounts who are “female bosses”. They post pics of their designer purses and red bottoms strategically shown, invoices to show the money they made in one day by selling their masterclass, and elegantly designed brunch tables from their business meetings. I just tell myself, “one day”...Because I know I’m a talented writer. I know I have great ideas that will be transformed into a greater reality. I know the plans I’ve been working on, the hard work and time I’ve invested, will reap what’s been sown.

I don’t fault them—not really. It’s up to each person to share their story in their way. They post what they think will get them what they want—money, more clients, and possibly their desire to help another business make it. The reason why I say possibly will have to be explained in another blog post.

I often check myself because my mom always told me that a jealous woman is never the woman to be. So, I’m not embodying feelings of jealousy, nor envy. I just want to make my dreams come true. It’s difficult to see others reach “success” and flaunt it, when you’re not quite there...and you know it’s not because you’re not trying. But that’s the magic of life, it will all come; my hard work will pay off; the other dreams I have will be fulfilled.

Some things in my personal life aren’t going the way I want. So, I decided I wasn’t going to fake it for the gram—I was going to take some time away. I wanted to do it long before, but I knew I’d lose followers....and with me trying to build my follower list, I kept deciding against it. But then it dawned on me, 1. My mental health shouldn’t be the cost. 2. The people who stopped following during my break weren’t the people who needed to follow me.

I definitely feel God has closed doors, but one door seems to remain open. I know this door is open, but I keep feeling that I need to go through another door first, so I keep racing up and down a metaphorical hallway, twisting doorknobs and pulling at windows—but they’re all locked. As scary and uncertain as it feels to walk through this door, it seems to be the only explanation for what I’ve dealt with for the last few months.

My plan was to retreat from social media altogether. I made it off Instagram for the most part, but not off Facebook. That was largely in part to the overwhelming desire to share posts and facts regarding Kaepernick & Nike, the fed government craziness, and the plight of Black people. So much so, I’m more inclined to be involved in the movement to express the importance of voting in these midterm elections. In addition to that, I’ve also strengthened my connection to my church, Alfred Street Baptist Church. While I no longer live in the DMV, I maintained my commitment to watching services and have been compelled to also share what I’ve learned. (You should check out the services, especially the CAYA services which is geared towards a 25-40 crowd). 

So while I hoped to return to Instagram with my life completely back together as it was, I’m still not quite there yet. Nonetheless, I’m thankful for the progress I’ve made.

💋

 

P.S. If you want to slide your girl some positivity, consider purchasing my novel, “Trust Issues”, or if you’ve already gotten your copy, tell a friend. 


 

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