#QOTD: If you and bae have talked about marriage and a wedding, should you still wait for the 💍 before you start doing any planning. Planning in this scenario would be researching locations, colors, vendors, etc. Is it “Practical” to get an early start on planning, or is it “Nonsense” to do anything before the ring?
I asked this question because it’s something that some women like to do. In the movies, there’s the friend who has her entire wedding planned out and doesn’t even have a boyfriend! 🤦🏾♀️ (Side note—I kinda did this once— on a long ride with my mom back in 2006, we selected the date, June 20, 2010 for my wedding. The date was special because it was my granddaddy’s birthday and it was a Sunday—I was born on a Sunday just like my mom and grandma. But I wasn’t dating a soul! I figured 4 years was enough time to find someone 😳🙄 cue the 🎻. Obviously, that didn’t work out.) But the scenario behind my question didn’t go like that. I also asked this question because I really could see this situation from both sides.
According to my poll, 60% of voters felt that such a practice was NONSENSE! Leaving 40% viewing the practice as PRACTICAL.
With my scenario in mind, I think it’s practical to hash out some details, even before the ring, especially if you and bae are on the same page about wanting to get married, but need to make sure you’re on the same page regarding some of the details. Being on the same page in this instance means, there has been a concrete conversation(s) about marriage being on the menu. This isn’t just the fluff convo where the woman shares her vision of a fairytale wedding and the guy say, “ok”. They are those conversations where you discuss the future, where you’re planning for a forever life.
I refuse to believe that the women we see on the ig feeds with the guy on one knee, and everyone is decked out in their finest, knew NOTHING! Sure, they may not have known exactly when, date/time/location, but they knew it was coming. There’s levels to this. And while some people do believe it’s faux pas, I think it’s highly practical to discuss some ideas ahead of the ring.
This pre-planning doesn’t included dropping deposits or signing contracts. This pre-planning is preliminary. Here, you could discuss whether or not you’d both consider a destination wedding, or if it must be local—what is local if you’re both transplants to your current city. You might get ideas of colors schemes and learn about traditions both may or may not want to include. You could discuss the ideal budget and research how much the things you may have in mind might cost.
Marriage is a HUGE DECISION! It’s also a decision that unearths a lot of vital information. Some of the info you might be aware of, but others won’t come up until a situation this big arises. In wedding planning, cost management and the value of money plays a huge role. She might think he’s an overgrown ogre for not supporting her idea of dropping $50k+ on the fairytale wedding she has imagined her entire life; he may think she’s a pompous princess for even considering the idea. These aren’t thoughts you want to have of your new fiancé—but they’re ok thoughts to have of your boyfriend/girlfriend when you have the time to address the issue before the clock starts ticking. Other issues include traditions, the value of marriage vs. a wedding, and the importance of family and friends.
I also wanted to uncover the reason for those who said nonsense. I believe it has a lot to do with trust, and the belief in actions speaking louder than words. The last thing you want to do is fully plan a wedding that never happens 😢 and you don’t want to get your hopes high on a pipe dream. Truthfully, these discussions may help uncover any hesitations. I’m totally with not jumping off the deep end, so again, 🚫 deposits, 🚫 contracts, 🚫 purchasing of invitations, 🎶 until he buy the rock 🎶 (in my Nicki Minaj voice).
I’m not saying to hound your partner on every little detail before a knee is bent and a rock is offered; but discussions and some research won’t hurt, especially if it helps you become more (or less) confirmed in your decision to spend the rest of your life with them.