Everything happens for a reason. Signs are in everything. But we believe that since something happens in a way that looks like it was “meant to be”, it should have a positive outcome...now, I am no longer sure.
For instance, a few months ago I was due to take a trip. Originally, a male friend 😉 was supposed to meet me and accompany me...that fell through. At one point, I was supposed to assist with the hotel arrangements—and of course I would’ve headed straight to Marriott, my favorite. But, another person took lead on that portion, and it was the day before the trip that I was informed that we would be staying at a Hampton Inn & Suites. So, let me clarify, I have no beef with Hilton hotels, I’m just a rewards member for Marriott and I’m all about collecting my points. I was disappointed and contemplated staying at a Marriott hotel I’d stayed in on a previous trip to the same destination instead of lodging with the rest of the group. Then, I realized I really didn’t feel like taking the trip at all, and was generating ways to get out of it 👀.
But, I made the trip anyway. I stayed at the hotel with everyone else and I sucked up that my friend wasn’t coming.
The next morning, I go down to the eating area for breakfast. I look up and I see this young man looking at me. He was chocolate, thin, average height, very handsome. He worked there, at the front desk. I was dressed in shorts and a tank top, scarf around my faux locs, and unshowered. I wondered what he could possibly be looking at. I ate and returned upstairs.
My schedule said I️ was due to present at 10am. I went to present but was told that they had to switch around the schedule so my new time was actually 1pm. While I was supremely tired, I’d actually put on some make-up and wasn’t trying to wash it off just to apply it again later so I opted to sit in the lobby and work. Needless to say the young man struck up a conversation with me. He seemed to be nice, motivated, and on point.
I was like, ‘Look at God’!
I told myself that everything happens for a reason and that despite the things that didn’t go as planned, I was supposed to meet him. He even shared that he wasn’t supposed to work that shift, but there he was. Even the people I was working with on my trip picked up on our vibe. He was my type. We shared a few similarities. He showered me with compliments. He was attentive. He was forthcoming with info. He provided good advice and seemed to care about my well being. And so, subsequently, I thought he could be “the one”.
In the days and weeks that followed us meeting, he seemed perfect. The timing seemed perfect. I could see our business ideas meshing—his business endeavors helping me, and mine helping him. I lost my business partner, and he provided me the advice that made me snap out of my frustration, and to move forward as planned. I could see us being THE power couple! For real! It was “meant to be”!
I didn’t want to tell my friends about him, wanted to keep him my little secret, for fear of sharing would cause things to fall apart. But, I told my homegirl about him while discussing a couples trip.
And then, one night, one missed phone call, and subsequent unanswered calls, and suddenly there was a starburst crack in my image of “the one”.
Being who I️ am, I️ inquired about the reason behind the change in routine. My inquiry was met with ATTITUDE. That was a sign to me. The information provided didn’t add up. The conversation ended with him being so “bothered” that he needed to get off the phone. Of course I️ spent some time contemplating whether he was telling the truth, and if so, was his response reasonable. But the shit really didn’t add up, and it was then that I️ finally noticed some of the other signs—I️ only talked to him frequently when he was at work. When he was “off”, he spent most of his time “asleep”. Whether he was off or at work, things seemed to revolve around 10pm.
Unfortunately I️ held on to the “potential” of us being THE Power Couple. The ideas he’d shared with me, the passion I️ felt escape his body when he shared ideas of throwing events was invigorating.
But, seems it was a lie. I️ still don’t know his truth. I️ just know there was more to the story than what he told me.
He went from being attentive to not answering calls. Saying he’d call back, but not. He lost his phone and had to get a new one, new number, everything—but then called back from the same number. Was more absent than not when I traveled to see him. Planned to come to see me, but was a no-show.
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, possibly because I didn’t want to be foolish for believing, and because I was hell bent in thinking I met him for a reason.
So, what was the reason in meeting him? Did God bring him to me? And if so, why did God want me to cross paths with that guy? Why was I in such a situation to feel completely foolish? What lesson was I️ supposed to learn?
I don’t know what I was supposed to learn. I know it was just one other thing to fuck up my trust more than it already was, which is disappointing.
Maybe it was a reminder that everything that glitters isn’t gold and that I need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt. I feel that’s harsh, but whatever. It’s like survival of the fittest—I can’t continue to give people more of me than they give to me; they don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt if the doubt is overbearing; sometimes math is super simple—when shit doesn’t add up, it just doesn’t; don’t be the only one holding on to a dream that involves two people.
In actuality, I guess those are the reasons.
Update: He reached out on Christmas and apologized for the behavior he displayed. He acknowledged that I didn’t deserve the negative things that occurred. I shared my truth—pretty much everything I wrote here. I immediately felt better. I let it go, the hurt and disappointment.
Shit happens. My philosophy is to always figure out the WHY. In doing so, I tend to heal myself. I still have unanswered questions with him, but if he’s not going to share, it’s not my concern...I’ll continue to let my imagination create the story he never gave to me, until I’m corrected.