I'm becoming more jaded about dating, and I realize maybe that's where I should've started….but I’ve accepted that I care entirely too damn much to have started there. A major side effect to being a hopeful romantic.
At times, I wish I could embody the carefree attitude I see people display. I wish I could be better, stronger.
Like, how do you take it when someone you are willing to drop the other options for, isn’t willing to do the same for you? In a situation like that, I would fault myself for even wanting to do that. Because, like why? Why did I want to jump out there? Why couldn’t I just keep it moving, let shit coast? Maybe because I’d FINALLY met someone who piqued a real interest; oh and not to mention, they’d made comments about not wanting to lose you, and whatnot.
Why do I have trust issues? This is at least one reason.
Because when you ask them about the words they’ve typed and said, they back away—leaving you feeling just like the others.
What I have learned is that those instances could be the sign that yet something else, better possibly, is still on the way—that is the positive stance.
But on the other hand, I am so over this repetition of feelings, repetition of processes, repetition of bullshit, that I don’t want to try anymore. All of this shit makes me wonder when does the other person’s accountability for their words end, and your accountability of understanding begins?
Then again—you can’t hold anybody accountable for their words. That is an action they chose to take, or not.
Long and short of it—
Is that even a possibility?