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Dear Future Everything

December 21, 2016

 

Dear Future Lover...Best Friend...Husband,

 

In my quiet time, I see you in my thoughts.  I see your hands, your body, your smile, your hair, your complexion, the smoothness of your skin.  Your features change from time to time and is usually masked with layers of haziness.  I attempt to force my mind to focus harder so I am able to make out your face—with no luck.

 

I imagine the conversations we have and I feel the peace you bring to my thoughts.  I feel the joy you bring to my heart and I see the smile you bring to my face when you're in my presence. 

 

When you come to mind, a smile appears across my face.  People look at me sideways, but they have no idea I am crushing on an imagined person.  I take that hit for you though.  Despite all of my wonderful thoughts of you, negativity creeps in.  I sincerely fear that since I think about you oh so much, that you really don't exist and are only and will forever be a figment of my imagination. 

 

I've gone through so much and I just want you to rescue me. I keep trying to piece you together in the men I deal with. I try to determine if they're in the process of becoming you, but I eventually realize that they aren’t.  They aren’t you or even in a process to become you because they don’t treat me like you would.  While they have not been the best, I do acknowledge they are making me a better woman for you.  The disrespect, neglect, foolishness, lack of understanding, etc. that I have experienced are lessons.  They’ve taught me how men move, how some try to take advantage of you and mistreat you, how some expect the world from you but don’t want to give you a thing, or how some love everything about you until he realizes you are moving faster than him.  Most importantly, they have forced me to learn more about myself; what makes me happy, what makes me sad, what is acceptable and tolerable, and the qualities that are non-negotiables.  I’ve also learned how to listen more, to speak clearer, and to assess situations from multiple angles.  These situations have been preparing me for the love you will willingly and abundantly provide me and I will be ready to do the same for you.  

 

I’ll know who you are because I will thank God that the rest are no longer in my life.  You're not perfect but you're perfect for me. You are the man of my dreams and I pray one day you'll be the man of my reality.  

 

I love you and I don't even know you.

 

Until we meet—

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